Notes on the Trip

We are back from our great California adventure. It was exhausting, but well worth the effort. The kids were troopers I have to say. It must be hard to spend 6 days sitting, waiting, arriving in rooms full of grown ups talking about who knows what, getting no playtime, spending hours in the car, and eating the crappiest food you ever have. There was actually a point at the airport in Denver when I was feeding my 8 month old child KFC mashed potatoes and bits of a biscuit. Hello yuppie travellers, observe the ghetto mamma.

When you lose that jar of wholesome Gerber baby food and drop your last piece of Zweiback toast on the nasty floor of the terminal, I defy you to find anything better in the airport for your hungry little wannabe toddler. Yes, I suppose I am defensive.

Another bit of info that gives some insight into our trip: Quinn HATES the car. For anyone who knows the area you will appreciate that he screamed from Arden Fair mall in Sacramento CONTINUOUSLY until we passed Milk Farm Road in Dixon. I think we all hated each other by the time that little car ride from Hell finally came to an end at the outlet mall in Vacaville.

I think I'm done venting. Now for the happy observations.

Mia had the time of her life from day one, despite any trials of the road. From playing with her cousins at Norm's house to helping Tim cut strawberries for our dessert, she was a star. And man does that girl love to dance. She danced and danced at Matt's wedding till she literally dropped. I love it!

It was awesome to see the Maffeis again. I have been so out of touch with any friend I might have since we moved to Missouri. Sometimes I felt like I had nothing positive to say so I didn't call to say anything at all. And then Matt invites me to his wedding and Mark, Sandy, Gina, Andrew... they all just welcome my family into theirs like three years have not just gone by. It made me realize that as I get older I need to hang on to these people who I have essentially grown up with. It is a precious thing to be reminded where you came from. That you have bonds with people that are worth attending to. I'm happy to say I've got good people. Now I should keep in touch with them!

For weeks and weeks before the trip I was sick. Very sick and very overhwhelmed with being sick, being alone with the kids almost constantly, going to work, and doing it all on as little as two or three hours sleep. I had this respiratory infection I couldn't kick and an ear infection that migrated into all sinus cavities.

A couple of days before we left I broke down and called my mom and asked her for help.

My parents always say they don't want to intrude. I think they fear being the Ray Romano type of parents, always coming over and butting in. They are very busy, loathe be "pesky"or presumptive-- and self-sufficiency is a Martell family value-- nay, a religious principle. Perhaps as a result of all of these well meaning factors we go weeks without seeing each other. It is not automatic that I would call Grandma to ride to my rescue.

But ride she did! She came over after Darin went to work one night to help with kids so I could get some packing done. I was sick as a dog, burning with fever, numb from sinus pain, wracked with coughing, all horrible stuff. She sent me to bed at 7pm. Sweet glorious sleep! What a luxury, to lay in bed alone at 7pm. Holy Moly.

Thank you Mom. I have felt good for two weeks now. A record! I think it's because you gave me the gift of sleep and motherly concern. Can't remember the last time someone put their hand on MY forehead.

Pop over anytime! Bring that Grandpa guy too.

California Here I Come....

I have been all abuzz lately, in preparation for getting the famiy to CA next week. So mnay details, from finances to clothing! Darin and I met and shopped together on my lunch hour today for the kids' dress up clothes, since today was the only day we had available together between now and when we leave. I can't wait. It will be nice to have a break from the normal grind for a little while. Although I have no illusions that it will be relaxing. I'll probably relax when I'm back at work.

Quinn is so close to standing up and walking. He is just all over the place lately. Pulling up on everything. Also he is eating a lot of table food already. Hates the baby food mush, wants anything he can grab on his own. All in a hurry to grow up!! He has started giving me big face hugs (grabs two handfuls of cheek and pulls), along with a big sloppy kiss when he sees me at the end of the day. He smiles and laughs and keeps patting me on the shoulder, touching his forehead to my chest.

It is my favorite part of the day.

After I pick him up from "the baby room" as Mia calls it, we head down to Mia's big kid playground to get her. We step out onto the playground and all the little girlfriends come running towards me, all vying for my attention, full of urgent news about their day. I make a point of getting to know the girls, asking good questions, noticing new clothes or hairdos. And they all call "KEENEY" (Quinn's nickname) and give him hugs when I crouch down to talk to them.

That is a close second.

What a rock star you can be as a mommy, if only until you get out to the car.

Spring is coming

My boss finally asked me when I plan to go to the doctor, as the entire staff has had enough of my coughing up lung tissue all day long, thank you very much. (that last part was implied...)

So I have an ear infection and a touch o the bronchitis. Yay! Thank heaven for the z pack.

Who gets ear infections at my age?

Two weeks from today the DeSilvas will be in sunny California. Occasion: to see my oldest friend Matt get married. I am really looking forward to the trip and to seeing the Maffei family again. They are the best and I am really happy for Matt. You know, today is his birthday. He is 31 years old. I can remember him calling me an old lady for a week when I turned 19. 19!! Wow, we are old friends.

Colleen, here is Mia's chalk portrayal of Darin, as promised. Please note the two-toned pants and the violent yellow chunks he is blowing.

(that is Auntie Casie with really LONG ARMS)

Necessary Counterpoint (or, things I am glad Springfield HAS)

1. Panera
2. Dickerson Zoo
3. affordable housing
4. great (but affordable? not so much) daycare for the kids
5. my family
6. green things that grow
7. Frozen custard, yes. Good call Stephanie. :)
8. Proximity to Memphis, a place I plan to go to again
9. Extremely lax fireworks laws
10. Conservation Nature Center
11. a very cool downtown
12. Hammonds Field

Things I wish we had in Springfield

1. more vaguely un-religious people like myself
2. more diversity, duh
3. roads with SHOULDERS, not 1cm of pavement between you and a huge cavernous ditch
4. more than one mall
5. more than one Target
6. stucco instead of siding on standard houses
7. the ocean
8. a good farmer's market
9. non-religious programming on local stations on Sunday am (where are all my news shows?)
10. Good Mexican food
11. No tornadoes
12. Colleen and Phil (good call Colleen)
13. Hippies! Feminists! You've put your finger on it, Casie. Where ARE all these people?

Party like a four year old

Saturday it was about 34 degrees and snowing. Eleven a.m. found us at another princess-a-licious fourth birthday party, this time going down at a community center indoor pool, and this time with boys and girls.

A sign of where my life is right now: the chit chat with my fellow moms poolside was the most social fun I've had outside the family in months. I want to hug them all as we leave with our tantrumy toddlers.

One mom (mother of 4 year old gorgeous big sister to another beautiful 14 month old girl), tells me her husband passed away right before her baby was born last January. I've been thinking of her ever since. I've known her casually for 2 years and that I did not know this fact makes me ashamed of myself. In my memory I can still see her husband's car pulling up outside the daycare to drop off their daughter, one of the first little girls Mia met when she started daycare. We just went to their princess birthday party a month and a half ago. Daddy wasn't there and I just glossed right over that fact.

I spend a lot of time alone with my kids. Darin works a lot and sleeps a lot and perhaps just because I'm Mom, they are my only company for long periods of time. I love being with them, Mia's conversation and Quinn's drooly kisses / boogers left on my work shirts. There is no point in whining about the exhaustion. It is unrelenting and irrelevant. It goes without saying that the kids are worth it, they need me, and from me they will learn how to handle hard moments. I know one day I'll look back and this will all have gone by in a flash and that will make me sad. So when I get only two hours sleep because Quinn has a cough and Mia comes in loudly requesting a drink when he finally drifts off at 5am, I get mad at Darin for not being home or life in general and sometimes cry and I wonder when am I ever going to have time TO JUST CHILL OUT A SECOND. But I try not to wish any time away, and just go have a cup of coffee.

This is another reason I am ashamed when I think of my mommy friend from the princess party. She gets to do all that too, plus mourn for her future with her husband and her girls' future with their father. Every once in a while Darin and I get to share a laugh or a tear over the kids. The moments occur without warning and are gone in a flash. My mommy friend doesn't have anyone to share those flashes with.

Another mom, this one of a four year old sibling-less boy, was telling me about her decision to quit her job this year and stay at home. Her husband works six days a week for the postal service, swing shift. She was very talkative and all with the TMI, (like I imagine I always am!) and mentioned in midstream that it is lonely "but it will all be worth it one day."

Another mom told me that her husband had spent the day before fishing and that morning putting together some furniture. After a pause she says, totally in a cheery voice with a smile on her face: "yeah, he needs some alone time with that furniture. So he didn't come to the birthday party."

Are we all lonely? Darin spent most of that party with Mia in one arm, big sister whose dad is gone in the other, lifting their little faces out of the water and doing laps from one end of the pool to the other while they kicked and laughed.

What do you say?

Like I said, I wanted to give them all hugs when the swimming was over and our duties swung back into rhythm.

Of course the kids fell asleep on the way home.

Next weekend: Parker's 4th birthday party at the Discovery Center. see you there, ladies.

Happy Birthday to our paterfamilias

35 years old and you don't look a day older than 25. So stinkin' unfair, my dear.