Like the Dow Jones Industrial Average...

Over the past month I have experience great mental and emotional highs and lows. I had trouble laying in bed at night trying to fall asleep. I have much hope for awesome things. Maybe what it is I feel is the desire for those things. Also those hours are the ones I have for reflection. When the kids are sleeping my life boils down to me and a very silent house. I am restless.

This explains the blog silence for almost two months. Several things have happened in the past couple of months of note: a) actual divorce filing b) my vacation to Chicago c) I have decided to pursue a social life d) I joined a church e) I joined a single parents' group at that church.

The church and the single parents group has been a surprisingly enjoyble and even more surprisingly - truly comforting - force since I started attending. The church services are extremely non-traditional, although definitely Christian. No one has put out judgemental or exclusionary vibes, or asked me what I belive. In return for showing up I have the opportunity to join some volunteering plans around the holidays and meet other single parents for a meal and conversation every other Sunday afternoon. Older kids babysit younger kids and we discuss a chapter from a book about putting a life together for yourself and your wards after finding yourself alone in this role. I wept through my reading of the first chapter. These other folks I listen to have great humor and just take care of business and inspire me to keep on with all that I need to do with great strength and confidence.

Again and again I am blown away by how well-trodden all this territory is, how completely common this experience is that I am living. I'm also blown away with how much I have tried to live my life as an island for so long. Just joining casual groups of other people and getting out there is incredibly powerful.

Happy Birthday Baby Boy

You are still my baby sweetie, even though you are a big old handsome brute of a 2 year old. And still you are a bright ray of love and laughs in my life. Now you can say "BIG BOY" when I ask you if you are mommy's baby. And you can flash a sign when I ask how old you are.

I love you so much Quinn, happy birthday!!!

Joe and Casie Rock,

or...
Ode to a Clean Garage part deux

whereas:
- we've been having crazy electrical storms lately and it knocked out the power to my garage refrigerator at some point early last week;
- the power to my house never went out and I was unaware of the warming refrigerator/freezer for several days;
- in the appliance I thought there was only beer, mustard, and ice cream sandwiches there was in fact my Christmas turkey from my job spewing purtified turkey liquid for days undetected;
- this horrifying discovery was witnessed by Joe and Casie, no matter if that witness was for sympathy or for morbid curiosity;
- Joe reconnected my refrigerator and began a re-freezing process;
- immediately upon the discovery of said rotten flesh Joe and Casie told me they would be back the following evening to help clean up;
- they did in fact show up and what could have taken all night took about 30 minutes;

it is hereby asserted and resolved:
THAT: Joe and Casie ROCK
THAT: I owe them big time
THAT: I would suck as a person with forensic responsibilities
THAT: I do not need a second refrigerator

love you guys.

He Speaks, and it is Good

Sentences have broken forth from my son in the last 4 or 5 days. Requests. Commentary. Demands. Encouragement.

"Eemee, Doe, eemee." (excuse me, Joe, excuse me)

"Mama, eat dodurt?" (Mom, can I have some yogurt?)

"Mama, nice surt, mama, naasss." (Mom, nice shirt, really nice)

"See doose, mama, see?" (Can I peek in your cup of mysterious drink?)

"Okay, sorree. Mama Soree..." (Okay, I'm sorry, Mom)

This has been brewing for some time of course but the first big moment was over this past weekend when I was at Grandma and Grandpa's house with the kids and Joe was over watching a movie with us. Joe was lying on the ground and blocking Quinn's intended path. "Eemee, Doe, eemee!"

Joe looked up at me with eyebrows raised. Whoa! That was a clear request!

My boy is growing up... just a month and a half and we'll be celebrating birthday number two.

the big 0-4

Tonight we had a little birthday lasagna and birthday cake and a nice family birthday party for my favorite four year old girl.

The loot: a big girl bike with training wheels (grandparental units), a Cinderella gown with "glass" slippers (Auntie Case and Uncle Joe), letters to paint and decorate with paint and decorations and an art caddy to carry said paints and decorations (Janette and Ken), Crayons and markers and an accordion (yours truly and daddy).

Mia asked Uncle Joe (U.J. as Papa calls him) if he could be her prince and bring her glass slipper to her. Casie saw to it that he was indeed her prince. Joe, you rock.

FLAT OUT - LOOK AT THESE BEAUTIES!

I can't resist it - just had to post a few pictures. Lots of transition going on right now, and there will be more time to write big thoughts once things settle down. But I will say, the kids keep it worth it.

Quinn is just a few weeks away from ONE year old. Sweet little baby boy! Where did our first year go? You are a big ray of sunshine in a small little package. The powers that be must know who needs some supernatural joy in their life because you exude it.

When you were about 3 days old, I was holding you watching you sleep. Out of nowhere your face curled up, mouth opened, and you let out a huge belly laugh. Never woke up, just yukking it up with your subconsious. I think you were born a jolly soul.

How sappy am I, this last few weeks of your first year? You and my best girl Mia are my life and I love you with every last part of me. I've never felt anything like it. It takes my breath away.